A Child’s Eyes

Children see things so differently than we do as adults.  They feel things that “big people” really don’t understand.  I used to think that children didn’t understand things, but I’ve recently realized that, as is the case with so much of our vision, things aren’t always as they seem.  Children do understand, they simply have a much more innocent, and I believe, more honest way of processing things.

Being a Pre-School teacher, I am blessed with the opportunity of seeing very closely what life looks like through the eyes of innocence.

I’ve heard it said that children are like sponges in that they soak up everything around them.  When I began to teach a few two and three year old children, I came to see just how true that is.  I had never seen it so closely or been so profoundly touched by it prior to this week.

Many people in my life have gone through the pain of separation and subsequent divorce, both friends and family, I’d never been with the children of these tragedies on a daily basis until I was blessed with my current job.  I’d never seen the devastation before as I do now.  As odd as it may seem, I’m thankful to have been given the opportunity to see this storm from it’s first peak on the horizon.

There is a great difference between seeing the storm approaching or even standing in the midst of it from the vantage point of five feet and three feet.  Apart from my being in consistent contact with the children that I try to teach, I wouldn’t have seen the process of innocence being wounded so deeply, often beyond repair.

Lift gets so complicated and confusing sometimes, but have we realized that children feel the affects of those things even more than we do?  Our choices have such a profound affect on the lives of innocence and we would do well to weigh our choices carefully with serious consideration given to the future of lives that should be protected at all cost.

My heart hurts as I see the way a child tries to process the inevitable changes taking place in their life as a result of marital strife.  Their security begins to shatter before a separation or divorce occurs,where the strife begins.  We all know of that place, either from personal experience or by observation.  It’s a second glance resulting from simple, natural, innocent, curiosity.  If that curiosity isn’t kept in check and placed under the Blood however, that second glance can lead to death.  It’s a simple, even accidental, physical contact at the water cooler.  Something is sparked in our flesh and somehow a spark becomes a raging fire, out of control that scorches everything in it’s path.  While a child doesn’t know that their parent is either headed toward or engaging in infidelity, they DO see the tension that takes place between the two people who are supposed to protect them.  They understand that their home isn’t what it once was.

Death of a marriage isn’t, of course always the result of infidelity.  There are more things and circumstances that invade the hedge of a marriage and begin to break down everything valuable inside. I have to wonder, how many couples encounter crises that are impossible to face apart from God.  On the other hand, how many couples simply give up when the storms appear on the horizon?  There are statistics to base these answers on obviously, but we have no way of knowing how far and wide the ravages of storms extend, how many hearts are broken beyond repair.

I didn’t have a real understanding of the many ways that marital strife affects the children who are caught in the middle.  I’m ashamed to say that I had never seen the consequences, even in my three nephews that have been and are the innocent victims of divorce.  It saddens me to say that my nephews all know much more than they should about infidelity.

So many marriages are wounded, crippled and even put to death out of selfishness, short sightedness, compromise, etc., with families left in the aftermath.  How many of those families could have been saved and mended if adults who are supposed to be responsible had seen past the pain and anger and waited for the Son?  Just a question….

I’ve included two videos.  One is about dealing with temptations and the other is about reasons to protect a marriage.

Adult Drama

Sometimes I’m not as thankful as I should be for my children. I confess. God shows me so gently that while my heart was in the right place, I should have handled such and such situation this way. Then He shows me where I went wrong. It’s not to bring about guilt because God doesn’t use that tactic. He allows me the beautiful freedom of making of making my own choices (even if they aren’t in His perfect will) and He still loves me. He waits patiently for me to make this mistake and come to Him so He can show me where I went wrong.

God lovingly allowed me to experience this with my son recently. It wasn’t any major issue but it was something that I wasn’t prepared to handle. It became a dramatic thing because I made it dramatic. Looking at it now, I realize that I didn’t even try to let God handle it nor did I trust Him with it.

My son had his first “girlfriend” and I interfered every way I could short of making him end the relationship. I saw myself becoming exactly what I didn’t want to become and I did it anyway. I think that’s commonly referred to as rebellion.  Yes, I became frustrated over it, I cried over it. I even prayed over it. My next step should have been to let it go and trust God to handle it. Notice I said “should have”. I tried to convince my son to handle it the way I thought he should. Of course I’m older, more mature. He should listen to me. Not exactly.

What I learned (and will hopefully be willing to apply the next time) is that my son is a kind hearted young man who loves His Lord.

Just when I thought I had reached the end of my sanity with his relationship, I tried talking with my son (which was more of my trying to force him to do what I thought he should do).  After I had run my mouth for as long as he could endure he asked if he could be alone for a little while and walked away.  I just knew that he would go to his room and think about what I had said, only to emerge 20 minutes later, more wise and ready to put my “wisdom” into action. What God blessed me with instead was a picture that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

My son didn’t emerge as I thought he would. Twenty minutes passed. Thirty minutes passed. After 45 minutes I could no longer contain my anticipation and went to his room to receive his gratitude (in complete humility of course).  As I approached his door I was surprised to not hear anything coming from inside. Could he have fallen asleep? What I found was much more beautiful than I could have imagined.  He was on his knees in prayer. I left him alone but continued to wait anxiously for him to come and tell me that he believed  it was time for the relationship to end.

Have you ever been so wrong that what you assume to be true isn’t even in the same universe as the actual truth?

My son came out of his room an hour and a half later and hugged me but went straight to his dad who hadn’t tried to tell him what to do. My husband had listened and advised our son only when he was asked.  My heart was broken and yet more grateful than words can express. I’m grateful that God blessed me with a husband who is so rich with wisdom and for a son who is so much like his dad. I’m grateful that God chooses to bless me in spite of myself and that God’s handiwork is becoming more and more evident in the lives of my children.

He didn’t “break-up” with her that day or the next. He didn’t break up with her that week. He chose to trust her even when every piece of evidence said that he shouldn’t. He took his concerns to her and lovingly asked her to help him be a better friend to her and he only did this after seeking God’s guidance.  What a marvelous friend he is and a true man of God he is becoming!

God’s mercy is defies description.  He knows that we’re guilty and yet He chooses to pardon us? He has all the evidence that He needs to lock me up and throw away the key and yet He purchased the key that set me free from the bondage to sin eternally.

“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.”
Psalm 25:4-7